New Job and keeping busy

Whom ever said keeping busy made deployments go faster kinda lied to everyone, I try my hardest to keep busy sometimes it's extremely impossible. He's always on my mind I miss him dearly, But on an extremely positive note I found a job in south carolina in less than two weeks which I am extremely surprised by and the fact its good paying and in a field I love makes me a million times happier, wednesday needs to hurry up I am excited to start it.

the deployment blues.

I miss my marine so much more and more each and every day. The lie of it gets better with time is total bs the days do not get easier just seems like they grow longer and longer, maybe as the day that he returns gets closer it will get easier but when you are in the middle of a deployment the days just suck. Recently I moved to south carolina to be with his family as they love me and are more of a family than my own, and being here is tough im constantly reminded of him since this was the last place i was able to be with him, i just want to be wrapped up in his arms.

Nervous, and east coast traveling.

So the love of my life is deploying in a few months and taking leave so I get to go home with him and meet the family. I am extremely nervous. I've never been brought home to meet anyone's family this is some serious stuff! This trip is also going to be the first time I've ever visited the east coast yay, south carolina here i come!

Am I ever gonna get to be with you?

I'm starting to wonder if I am ever going to get to spend more than a weekend with my boyfriend, His deployment has been pushed up and he doesn't know if he will be able to take the leave he was planning on, if that happens I have to fly to yuma in order to see him before he leaves, if this happens we have to pay for a hotel. Its starting to feel like I'm never gonna get to see him for more than a weekend a weekend in January a weekend in may and then I wont be spending time with him for almost a year. I hate this I love the man but I hate the situation.

One thing I miss.

One thing I miss very much about my time with Drew, is anytime I got into an argument with my mother or what ever I had that person I could call. Countless nights I stayed with him because I couldn't stand to be around them anymore. Don't get me wrong I very much love Zach, but the fact he lives clear across the country makes things very difficult. I don't have that shoulder there to cry on at 3 a.m, I don't have that person to cuddle with on Tuesday nights after work. Deep down as much as I hate to admit it part of me will always love Drew, he was a lot of first for me, he was my best friend. So not only did I lose the person I loved at that point but I lost my best friend, and that very much still hurts. I really wish I could call him right now and hang out.....

it just isnt acceptable

My feelings towards you should really matter. I understand we could never be more than what we were but I loved you and part of me will always love you. So you asking me if it is ok that you ask my friend to dinner isn't even slightly cool it hurt it stung and it made me realize how you really are. You claim that it will be nothing more than dinner but wasnt the first time we hung out not supposed to be just two friends hanging out and you pursued sex with me. You pursued sex with me every time we associated with each other. I miss being able to run away with you for an evening but a roller coaster of emotions isnt acceptable. Why not instead of trying to find someone else to sleep with you why not be a good husband and father.

The bad urge

I have a really sudden really bad urge to text him. Bad bad me hes bad for you hes a virus that brings you down and made your life hell for over a year.  why would you even consider it.